Understanding Abuse

What is Domestic Violence & Abuse?

Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive behavior used by one person to gain power and control over another in an intimate or familial relationship.

Many terms are used interchangeably to describe and discuss domestic violence. It may also be referred to as: abuse, domestic violence, battery, intimate partner violence, or family, spousal, relationship or dating violence.

Physical violence includes:

  • Hitting, slapping, strangulation
  • Kicking, burning, cutting
  • Using or threatening to use a weapon
  • Hurting or threatening to hurt a pet
  • Destroying home or belongings

Emotional abuse includes:

  • Constant verbal harassment
  • Humiliation
  • Food or sleep deprivation
  • Threats or accusations
  • Isolation from family or friends

Financial abuse includes:

  • Forbidding you from working or going to school or sabotaging either (e.g., giving you a visible injury, denying you access to a car, calling you constantly at work, destroying your homework, etc.)
  • Forcing you to turn over your paycheck
  • Controlling all money, bank accounts, and assets and giving you an “allowance”
  • Hiding assets or money from you
  • Running up debt in your name or opening credit accounts in your name without your knowledge

Sexual abuse includes:

  • Rape
  • Forced sex, forced sex with others
  • Unwanted sexual practices
  • Sexual abuse of victim’s child

Stalking is also common within a violent relationship or after a violent relationship has ended; it can also occur without a violent relationship being present.

Stalking is a dangerous form of abuse characterized by persistent and unwanted attention that instills fear and control. It encompasses various methods, including physical stalking, cyberstalking, and emotional manipulation, aimed at invading privacy and monitoring victims.
It is important to recognize stalking as a serious crime and take immediate action by contacting local authorities or domestic violence organizations for support. ACADV is committed to raising awareness, providing safety planning resources, legal protections, and counseling services to help survivors navigate the emotional impact of stalking.

Abuse Warning Signs

Intense jealousy and possessiveness

An abuser may display extreme jealousy, constantly accuse their partner of infidelity, and isolate them from friends and family.

Controlling behavior

Abusers often exert control over their partners’ lives, dictating their actions, whereabouts, and choices. They may manipulate and undermine their partner’s autonomy and independence.

Emotional manipulation

Abusers use various tactics, such as gaslighting, guilt-tripping, and emotional blackmail, to control and manipulate their partners’ feelings, thoughts, and behaviors.

Verbal exploitation

This includes insulting, belittling, humiliating, or demeaning language that erodes the victim’s self-esteem and psychological well-being.

Physical aggression

This involves any form of physical harm or threat, including hitting, slapping, pushing, or choking of a victim or a victim’s loved ones.

Isolation and monitoring

Abusers may isolate their partners from friends, family, and support networks, monitor their activities, control their access to resources, and limit their independence.

Why do abused people stay?

Fear of the abuser’s violence

Leaving a violent relationship increases a victim’s risk of being killed or seriously injured by 75%.

Connection to the perpetrator through children

Some stay in the relationship due to beliefs, parental concerns, or fear of the abuser’s threats regarding the children’s well-being.

Continual hope and belief that the violence will end or they will change

Victims believe the abuser’s promises and desire an end to the violence, even if they don’t necessarily want to end the relationship, believing they have the power to improve it.

Lack of funds

Setting up a household without housing assistance can cost around $1500, while public housing waitlists are often long, sometimes exceeding six months, and not everyone qualifies.

Immobilization by psychological and /or physical trauma

Victims may be too injured or frightened to seek help or escape.

Belief in cultural, family, or religious values

Support systems may not always be supportive of a victim leaving or seeking help, with some family or religious systems pressuring them to stay in the violent relationship.

Belief abuser will commit suicide or engage in self-destructive behavior

Abusers often threaten suicide or employ manipulative tactics to make the victim feel guilty and worried.

Lack of real alternatives for employment and financial assistance

Domestic violence is the leading cause of job loss in the United States.

Taking steps to leave an abusive relationship requires immense strength and resilience.

Power and Control Wheel

The Power and Control Wheel is an invaluable tool in comprehending the complex dynamics of abuse and violence within and after a relationship. The illustration sheds light on the various forms of abuse that often accompany acts of violence, creating a pattern of intimidation and control in the relationship.

As depicted in the wheel, abuse follows a cyclical pattern. There may be periods of relative calm, but they are eventually followed by escalating tension and abuse, reaching a peak of intensified harm. This cycle tends to repeat, sometimes growing more intense over time. While every relationship is unique, abusers purposefully employ multiple tactics of abuse to instill fear and maintain control over their victims.

It’s important to remember that this wheel serves as a guide, and not every relationship conforms precisely to the depicted pattern. Some abusers may cycle rapidly, while others may exhibit longer stretches of time between abusive episodes. Nonetheless, the underlying objective remains consistent: to instigate fear and assert dominance over the victim.

The Cycle of Abuse highlights the ongoing and destructive nature of domestic violence. While some advocates favor the updated Power and Control Wheel, the cycle resonates with many survivors. It consists of four phases:

Tension Building: The cycle begins with tension building, causing fear in the victim. Everyday stressors or larger events may trigger this phase. Victims may try to appease or provoke the abuser as a survival strategy.

Incident: The second phase involves an abusive incident, which can be physical, verbal, emotional, or psychological. It represents the abuser’s attempt to exert power and control, making it a dangerous time for the victim.

Reconciliation: The reconciliation phase follows, often characterized by apologies, excuses, and blame-shifting. Gaslighting may occur as the abuser denies or minimizes the abuse.

Calm: The cycle concludes with a period of calm, sometimes referred to as the “honeymoon stage.” However, this phase is temporary, as tension begins to build again, leading to another abusive incident.

Understanding the Cycle of Abuse helps illuminate the patterns and dynamics of abusive relationships, emphasizing the need for intervention and support for survivors.

Teen Dating Violence

Understanding and addressing teen dating violence is a vital aspect of combating domestic violence. Explore the warning signs, learn about healthy relationship behaviors, and access resources to support teens in building safe and respectful connections. By raising awareness and promoting education, we strive to empower young individuals to recognize, prevent, and break the cycle of dating violence.

%

of adolescents in the United States experience some form of dating violence.

teen dating violence cases involve cyber abuse, such as unwanted texting or harassment.

year-old girls are a leading demographic of date-rape victims, with more than 40% having experienced sexual violence in a relationship.

%

of LGBTQIA+ high school students experience some form of physical dating violence.

million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a partner each year.

%

of college students report having experienced at least one incident of sexual violence during their college years.

rapes of young women occur in their own home or loved one’s home.

%

of 15-19 year-old sexual-violence victims were abused by someone they previously knew.

%

of young people who experience rape or physical or sexual abuse will attempt to commit suicide

%

of Arkansas high school students experience physical dating violence in a 12-month period.

Abuse in the LGBTQIA+ Community

Abuse among LGBTQIA+ individuals occurs at similar rates and in similar ways as their heterosexual counterparts. However, LGBTQIA+ individuals may experience unique forms of abuse and encounter barriers when seeking support due to discrimination based on their gender expression or sexual orientation.
Forms of abuse specific to the LGBTQIA+ community could look like:
  • Controlling and questioning the victim’s gender identity or expression, such as denying them the right to dress in gender-affirming clothing or use affirming devices like binders or gaffs. They may also refuse to use the victim’s pronouns or chosen name.
  • Questioning or disbelieving the victim’s sexual orientation, invalidating their identity by suggesting they are not truly bisexual or that certain sexual orientations do not exist.
  • Using homophobic, biphobic, or transphobic language to insult the victim, such as calling them derogatory names or questioning their authenticity within the LGBTQIA+ community.
  • Pressuring the victim to come out or threatening to disclose their sexual orientation or gender identity to family, friends, employers, or other individuals without their consent.
  • Withholding access to hormones, specifically testosterone injections, which are essential for some transgender individuals’ well-being.
  • Coercing the victim into participating in religious interventions with the aim of “curing” their homosexuality, bisexuality, or transgender identity, often involving interactions with priests or faith leaders.

More Information on Abuse of LGBTQIA+ Individuals

The Trevor Project thetrevorproject.org/resources

Human Rights Campaign hrc.org/resources

Abuse in the Disabled Community

Individuals with disabilities are at a higher risk of experiencing abuse compared to those without disabilities. Abuse thrives on power imbalances and control, and people with disabilities may encounter unique challenges that hinder their access to support, thereby increasing their vulnerability to abuse.
Abuse affecting individuals with disabilities may take non-traditional forms, including:
  • Withholding or damaging assistive devices.
  • Threatening harm to service animals.
  • Misappropriating or withholding disability checks.
  • Engaging in non-consensual sexual activity with individuals unable to give consent due to their disability.
  • Preventing access to medical care.
  • Using disability to shame or humiliate.
  • Neglecting essential daily tasks, such as assisting with medication or bathroom use.

More Information on Abuse of Disabled Individuals

National Disability Rights
ndrn.org

End Abuse of People with Disabilities endabusepwd.org

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